When I read these words, out of Sarah Young’s Jesus Today this week I realized that I was holding onto the good gifts of my summer.

When I arrived in Arkansas in June I began to soak in every detail.

I drank deeply of place and people I dearly love.

Constantly welling up with emotion and awe at being granted a summer season at home.

But towards the end of the summer, and on my return to Scotland I was holding everything with tight fists.

Big things and little things.

Oldest son and parents and family and friends.

Hot sun and swimming pool and Vitamix smoothies and bottomless bowls of tortilla chips.

They were mine and I wanted them.

Not just for a season, but for all seasons.

Beware of feeling entitled to my good gifts. 

Oh yes, entitlement was rearing its ugly head in my heart.

And so it is time. It is past time.

To list as many of the incredible gifts of a summer at home that I can remember.

And then to open my hands to the sky.

And let them go.

Because my God is a good God.

And He has more good gifts to give.

And though I don’t know what they are and maybe like a spoiled child, I think I do not want them, I am trying.

I still have another phase of letting go in the days ahead. (Saying goodbye to Scotland.)

And then I am praying that God will begin the wrenching open of my heart to what is next.

SUMMER GRATEFUL

familiar faces at the airport // feeling the hot night air // sweating // driving my mama’s car into the Ozark Mountains // gorgeous green trees and hills // arriving at camp and finding Cole // big hugs and sweet reunions // Ben jumping in on work crew and Simon jumping in as a camper // my three boys together, serving, loving // goody bags from friends // going into church and seeing so many faces I love // hearing Dena sing and Harold preach // the smell of honeysuckles // bunnies on the walking path // black-eyed susans // the sticky scent of summer // going to the Boultinghouse’s farm // Sandy and Carol holding a baby lamb // fresh pesto with basil from the garden //

ARKANSAS GRATEFUL

going to the pool // American flags all over everything // Sonic happy hour // the smell of sunscreen // flip flops // Simon with his cousins // making smoothies in my mama’s Vitamix blender // seeing Daddy up early in the mornings with his books, getting ready to preach // long flowy skirts // singing at church // smelling like a mix of a dozen perfumes after so many hugs at church // being with my daddy on Father’s Day // celebrating SB’s bday at Bev’s and laughing so hard // bran muffins // live jazz bar with my princesas // pedicures // sticky sweaty walking with my Mama // Simon’s birthday // chik-fil-a // chocolate cake and Blue Bell vanilla ice cream // getting gas station fountain drinks with Simon // Ben riding the Halls’ borrowed scooter up and down the street // seeing my aunt for the first time in three years // meeting up with friends // froyo // watermelons and berries // biting into a peach and the juice drizzling down my chin

BEACH GRATEFUL

Peter and Whitney inviting Simon and me to Fort Morgan // Mama keeping, loving, cooking for Ben and Cole // sandy feet // chairs and a tent all set up // Simon squealing when he realized how warm the water was // floating in the waves // Peter making breakfast // coffee and mimosas in the morning // dinners together with lots of friends // kids looking for crabs with flashlights // going for long walks by myself in the morning // seeing the sun rise over the water // fresh fish // a little bit of sunburn sting // fireworks on the beach // Lulu’s // laughing so hard // catching up with old friends // meeting new friends // shrimp and grits // glowsticks // Simon piled on the couch with Wilson and Campbell, reading // Whitney taking photos // shrimp boil in the rain // being still // Chris playing guitar // chairs in a circle // talking to Taido and MP, both celebrating big accomplishments: a turned in thesis, school finished well

COUSIN GRATEFUL

Simon and I making our flight to Chicago even though we were sitting at the wrong gate // a new house // Fourth of July // lemonade stand // sleeping in my Grandmother’s old bed // working with Anna at Blackberry // backyard fire pit // s’mores // walking to the library and the park // picking raspberries in the old backyard // Taido and MP arriving // processing this hard in between time together with Taido // Bob and Anna loaning us their car // road trip to Arkansas // laughing hard // music // taking five cousins to meet up with the other four // Simon’s reunion with Campbell and Wilson // 9 cousins at the pool // playing “Empire” // singing in the choir with Peter, MP and Emily // Simon’s baptism // Taido preaching // letter from my sweet friend in Scotland // rainy afternoon // watching movies and eating popcorn  // six big cousins staying up late together // coffee and tears in the early morning with Diane // homemade popsicles // outlet mall shopping // giant chick-fil-a nugget platter at the pool // drinks with Carol // four cousins to youth group // MP seeing her friends // Taido getting a “yes” from Tubingen

COLORADO GRATEFUL

Road trip to Denver // CoraFaye’s Soul Food // Picking up Anna // Trader Joes // finding Daddy at the campsite outside of Lake City // Last car arriving // Everyone finding their spots in tents and hanging up hammocks // All nine cousins around a campfire // Taido and I having our own tent // Aspen trees // lunch and ice cream in Lake City // boys buying slingshots and knives // playing Empire and Bungalo // the sound of the river running // being with Cole on his 19th birthday // Daddy giving wild rides in his car // Ouray Hot Springs // everyone racing on the obstacle course in the water // Peter giving the name “Malachi” for our burger order–making us laugh // sharing highs and lows around the campfire // TC making salmon and “special pasta” // walking to the river to get more “perfect” stones for the slingshots // reading in a tent in the rain // peak climb for six big cousins // lunch in town with three “littles” // chicken fried steak // kids sad to be leaving camp // last night at a hotel in Pueblo // swimming and grilling burgers // Phineas choosing John Stott and Mama choosing Jason Mraz for the last round of Empire // praying for each other by the pool

DOGTOWN GRATEFUL

giant washing machine and dryer // being back at the pool, back in the hot sun // lunch with the Halls // dinner with Earles // hearing Bobby preach // singing Victory in Jesus // sitting with Nikki // crying through church // crying to Sarabeth on Sunday afternoon // Mexican food and margaritas // walking with Mama // taking MP to the farm to talk about her trip to Kenya with the Boultinghouses // thank you dinner at the Eubanks // jumping in the pool at the end // Diane’s prayers // early morning family photos with Whitney // saying goodbye to Cole and MP and Taido //  calmer dinner table with only 4 grandkids // watching Napoleon Dynamite // frozen yogurt with a friend // dinner and late night drinks at The Pantry with friends // River Market peaches // breakfast at Community Bakery // pool, pool, pool // playing games with Simon and Campbell // Daddy’s sermon on hope // singing It is Well // praying with Skyla // summer farmers’ market dinner // meeting Kelly for coffee // walking on  the Big Dam Bridge with Donna // being hot and sweaty and still loving it // Blackberry Pie // final trip to the pool // Ben at Good Eats // saggy bathing suit bottoms on little kids at the end of summer // early coffee with Diane and Tanja // making sushi with Cole, Wilson, Simon and Whitney // crepes on our last morning // tears // the hard goodbye // seeing familiar faces at the airport // welcome ladies passing out mints // strangers who call me “sweetie” // that being so sad is an indicator of so much love

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I’ve been trying to hold my eyes wide open this week to see the good in the world.

Though I am constantly trying to cultivate a heart of thanks, it’s more than being grateful.

I am also fighting to stay in the light.

Praying for eyes to see and ears to hear.

Beautiful things.

Here are a few of the amazing things I’ve seen lately.

Our church sent this beautiful group of people to Kenya over a week ago.  Several of these faces are precious to me.  Each time one of them posts a picture to Instagram, my heart jumps.  I can’t wait to hear their stories and watch the way God will continue to unfold their hearts in the weeks ahead.

I also followed the Compassion Bloggers’ trip to Peru last week.  On the Compassion trips, the bloggers tell stories while they are there, which is amazing to me.  Here are just a couple of the stories I really loved.  The Best Christmas Present Ever and Woven

These two cuties had a yard sale a couple of weeks ago to raise money to go to the Invisible Children Rally in Washington DC. They made cupcakes and cookies, pillaged their friends’ closets and houses in order to make this happen.  Then we got to follow them as they went.  I love to see enthusiasm for change in the place of hopelessness.

My small group and I finished up our Beth Moore study a couple of weeks ago, and of course the end of the study was filled with many bits of wisdom that I felt must have been written/said just for me.  I continue to be amazed as I go back through this study and the book of James at how rich it has been.

Singing in the choir this week was unusually moving.  Current circumstances that made it difficult to get up and sing actually made the practice of choosing song so healing.  We sang rich words and I love being surrounded by rich voices singing them.  Sometimes I think I just sing in the choir to be held up by these other beautiful men and women.

We had a community Thanksgiving dinner at church last Sunday night, and I was overwhelmed by a room full of sweet faces, gathering to eat, but also to share space with each other in love.  Community at its very best.

And a few more gifts from this week:

Going to a banquet to benefit foster kids who are aging out of the foster care system (Immerse Arkansas) and visiting with friends afterwards

Being treated to the most exquisite meal and lavishly laid table by my book club host over the weekend

Lots of homecomings

A Boulevard Bread Company breakfast sandwich with friends

Playing about 150 games of Nertz when the kids got out of school for a couple of extra days last week due to a broken water main downtown

Apple butter from a friend on Taido’s hot biscuits

Yellow leaves so pretty they make me cry, and sunshine on fire red ones

Hearing my Grandmother pray for our team in Kenya

Lots of time in the kitchen with my mom and aunt

I will still be counting and collecting gifts all day long.  Not just because it is Thanksgiving, but because it is the way I remember that God is always good.  Just when I think I can’t see it, He is faithful to remind me again.  I’m trying to keep my eyes wide open to see.

Happy Thanksgiving!

instagram creds: @taidochino @rcbcca @anthonyvalley @fellowshipnorth @michellelfoster @whitneyloibner @bcchino @marypollychino

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My parents started dating at North Little Rock High during their senior year.  Daddy asked Mama to prom that spring and the rest is history.

She went off to California to college the next fall, while he attended the University of Texas.  At Christmas, he talked her (and her parents) into moving to Baylor.  He would hitchhike from Austin to Waco to see her.  Before long, he had her packing her bags again to move to Austin.

I remember one time my grandmother was warning my dad about a deal he was working with someone.  She told him, I’ve heard that man is kind of a horse trader.  He kept quiet while Grandmother was giving him her opinion, but later when I asked him what a horse trader was and why wasn’t he worried about this other man’s potentially being one, he said, Honey, it takes one to know one.

horse-trad·ing (hôrs tr d ng). n. Negotiation characterized by hard bargaining and shrewd exchange

Daddy’s fast talking worried my grandfather.  He could see that Mama was hooked, and he was not so sure about this young buck.  He paid for my daddy to go to Young Life camp in Colorado, hoping to God and Jesus that he might become a man worthy of marrying my mother.

My grandfather was a praying man.  And the Lord heard his prayers.  Daddy had a Come to Jesus meeting in Colorado, literally.  From that moment, he never looked back.  He came home a changed man, and he married my mom just a few years later.

After college, Mother and Daddy moved to Chicago so Daddy could go to seminary.  I was born two years later.

When Daddy finished school, they moved to Fort Smith, Arkansas to do ministry with Young Life.  My sister and brother were both born there.

Eventually they came full circle back to North Little Rock, where they have both been planting seeds for more than 30 years.

They are in love with the Word of God and have strong hearts for seeing the local church become the hands and feet of Jesus.  They have traveled together multiple times to Kenya to be an extension of that church.

They are hanging on to Jesus. And to each other.  For always and for good.

Happy Anniversary, Y’all!

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This part 2 of my parents’ anniversary Boot Shoot with Whitney. Yesterday was Boots in the Rain, but we got rewarded for braving the rain with some amazing sunlight.  The kind that only comes after the rain.

My parents are looking at Mary Polly who had wandered up the riverbank a little bit to play.  While these pictures were being taken I was standing somewhere behind Whitney just soaking in the beauty of this moment.  LOVE!

More magic!  So lovely.  And a rainbow!

While they were sitting on the dock in the sun, the rain was still falling on them.  Little happy raindrops on their clothes.  This is sweet to me.

My mama does not have hardly a gray hair on her red head, but it’s not from a lack of worrying, I can tell you that for sure.  (She and her sister both have beautiful red hair.  It keeps them looking young for sure.) Mama is a Southern woman through and through, though she might not think of herself as such.  She could stop hollering at us mid-sentence to answer the phone in a voice as sweet as honey.  She could listen to someone for an hour on the phone with soft Mmm-hmms and Oh dears and then pick right back up where she left off with us when she hung up.  This used to infuriate me to no end.  Thankfully, these days I am usually on the receiving end of her sweeter side.

Daddy is as strong as an ox, with a will to match.  He is currently spending any spare moment he can find building an adult guest lodge at Castle Bluff, a camp that has primarily served students for the last 30 years.  We’ll be heading up there soon for our youth camps, where we’ll be able to hear the sound of Daddy’s hammer swinging in the background.  If you talk to him for more than 10 minutes, you can bet he’ll have you packing your power tools and coming up to help him sometime real soon.

Graceful, Steel Magnolia + Bull in a China shop.  Mama and Daddy are about as different as two people can be, but they’ve learned to laugh about it.  I’m glad they still have a lot of years ahead to appreciate each others differences.

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In August, my parents went to their 45th high school reunion and celebrated their 42nd anniversary.

To mark these special events in their lives, I asked Whitney to take pictures of them.  We used to take a family picture every year growing up, but once we all flew the coop, my parents stopped having their picture made.  This makes me kind of sad.

Whitney and I set a date way in advance, because it’s hard to get everyone’s calendars to align.

A few days before the shoot, we made sure Daddy had some clothes that weren’t ripped and Whitney put outfits together out of Mama’s closet so we would be ready.  Country Outfitter even let me have these great Ariat Ramblers for Daddy to wear for the pictures.  He has worn down his old riding boots and was thrilled to have new kicks.

Mary Polly and I both decided to go along to help, so we got dinner ready and then just as we were heading out the door, it started raining.

We deliberated about what to do for just a minute before Whitney decided to throw some umbrellas in her car and go for it.  My parents were leaving town the next day and we were not sure when we would get another chance.

I am SO GLAD we went for it!  This was one of those evenings where Whitney’s instinct as a photographer turned out magical results.

We all decided we LOVED the rainy light.  It made everything so bright and beautiful.

We changed locations because of the rain.  We went down by the Arkansas River in Burns Park.

The rain just made the whole evening fun.  Who doesn’t want to squeeze under an umbrella with someone you love?  So sweet!

Be still my heart!  This picture is my favorite.

I’ve talked a little about my Mama and her health over the last year, but this picture reminds me how much joy she feels right now.  I am so grateful for how delighted she is with life at this season.

I’m also so thankful for my parents’ marriage. They have proved both that marriage is not an easy road and also that staying married is worth the work it takes.

This is such a gift to me.

After the rain, the sky cleared up for us and we got some sunshine.

Boots in the Sun tomorrow!

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But I am celebrating more than just that she was born today.

I am giving thanks for the difference between last year and today.

Last year at this time Mama was in a hospital, she weighed less than 100 pounds and was struggling to retain consciousness.  After weeks of testing, she had little hope left that she would ever know what was really wrong with her.

Flash forward a year and she is full of hope and living life again.  She rode a zip line with her grandchildren last week.

Through taking several brave measures, one being the involvement of a therapist with a good heart, Mama began to manage her symptoms successfully, even as she continued seeing doctor after doctor in an attempt to isolate her physical problems to a certain culprit.

She learned to live with the ambiguity of her illness.  She learned to take life a day at a time.  She learned to rest.

She shined light into a lot of darkness, just in case there was an unturned stone that might lead to healing.

She found medicines that worked, but she hated taking them.  She stopped taking them and got worse.  She started taking them again reluctantly.  She made pacts with my dad and me that she would not stop taking them again without talking to us.  She kept those pacts even though it was hard.  She kept them even though there is a demon that tells us that we don’t really need the things in life that make us better, be it medicine, exercise, spinach or scriptures.  She faced that demon down and for the most part, she won.

As I write all that out, it seems like a lot to accomplish in a year, but I can assure you that it was a long year (especially fall) and that there were many setbacks along the way.  There were many days that it seemed to Mama like she would never really feel good again, and she had to accept the reality that her new normal might be very different from what she wanted it to be.

Also, even though I am isolating this journey to the last year, it is really so much longer.  It is a whole life of needing to be all things to all people. It is trying to keep up with a husband who was blessed with boundless energy and youth.  It is not admitting weakness. It is equating being busy with self worth.  And it is being ruled by shame and guilt rather than passion and joy.

And this journey will continue.  Like many before her, Mother will fight some of these battles her whole life.  But I believe that the progress she abandoned herself to this year has opened the door for God to give her what she really wanted all along.

A diagnosis.

The knowledge of what she is up against.

Just a few weeks ago, Mama tested positive for Lyme Disease.  We’re not even going to talk about how many books she has read about this disease since she got the results.  (We attack all things in our family by reading.  If you know enough about something, you have control over it, right? Wrong.)

I don’t know why she wasn’t tested for Lyme Disease a year ago, but it amazes me to consider what she might have missed if she had moved forward with a diagnosis instead going down a different path of discovery.

Learning to live with uncertainty about what was wrong with her was the battle my mama needed to fight this year.

That I got to fight that battle alongside her is a gift I am still unwrapping.

I don’t know how her health will progress.  Come to think of it, none of us know how we will feel tomorrow or what is coming next year. This is the Cloud of Unknowing that we live under every day, even if we are oblivious to it.

But the cloud makes me more acutely aware of daily blessings.

A few of them from the last year…

Feeling good enough to take a morning walk.  Rain falling.  Jumbline.  A man who asks good questions.  Post-therapy lunches.  Cancelled plans.  Pages full of encouraging words.  Making it through a long drive.  A day without fear.  An hour without self-condemnation.

Surrendering to not knowing and comfort in a God who knows.

Letting go.  Holding on.

Cheers to a new year and new journeys.  To feeling good enough to hike trails and ride zip lines with grandkids on good days.  To finding joy in resting well on the others.

The post Celebrating Mama appeared first on Alison Chino.

I hope you had a wonderful Labor Day weekend.

Ours was full of food, friends and squeezing in those last summer memories.

Labor Day officially marks the end of summer for me.  Even though we hit 100 degrees yesterday and we have not yet seen the end of the three digit temperatures in Little Rock, I feel like it’s time for fall.

Here in the deep south, fall might have to be just an autumn colored airy dress for a little while.

We’ve been trying a new chore system this month that involves our kids more in the cooking.  They even get to choose what they want to fix on their night of the week.  Ben picked quesadillas and Cole chose sausage mushroom risotto this week. Yum.

We also made pizza, salsa, waffles and a new very special treat that we’ll be sharing the recipe for soon!  Chocolate and Peanut Butter!

Mary Polly got creative with her time off school updating my children’s book archives with new pictures.

We also managed to fit in trips to the Clinton Presidential Park Bridge, the library, the pool (last day it was open!), the farmer’s market and to see some sweet baby twins that were just born to our friends.  Gasp!  Needless to say, we are in LOVE with Samuel and Simone.

Happy Monday, I mean, Tuesday.

Hello to a new week of projects, after I clean up from this weekend.

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Today my only girl is 13.

She has grown up so much in the last year, and yet I still have so much I want her to know.

I want her to dream bigger-than-life dreams but I want her to stay close to me.

I am alternately bursting with pride in the young woman she is becoming and rolling my eyes at the stubborn teen that is all huffs and sass.

I am incredibly thankful for her.

Mary Polly’s actual birthday will be pretty low key because we have planned a grand adventure to which she and I are counting down the days.

A dream come true.

And as dream trips tend to do, I hope it will spur on in her a wanderlust that will take her to faraway places on her own.

I hope she will go…

There and back again.

To share her stories with me.

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We partied all day on Sunday because we were also saying Goodbye to our exchange student, Vitara, who began her long journey back to Indonesia yesterday.

My grandmother played bridge for about 3 hours yesterday and then had to leave the game early because of some indigestion that actually turned out to be chest pains.

Today she’s in the hospital recovering from a heart attack.

It’s been a crazy few days with lots of emotional highs and lows!

And only God knows what tomorrow will bring.  Thank goodness He does.

Still, so grateful for so much…

all God taught me through having another daughter this year

Simon growing up

Grandmother and Simon sharing a birthday lunch

my mom and Whitney filling in the blanks for me

sweet goodbyes (so much love from our community poured out for Tara)

Mary Polly weighing Tara’s suitcase about 30 times while packing her up

Taido’s leading us as we shared favorite memories from our year with Tara

hearing my kids pray for Tara before we sent her off, sweet prayers

planted seeds

swimming at a friend’s house

going to free Chik Fil A night in our swimsuits

late night prayers

sleeping in

Good Eats (free breakfast and lunch at church for anyone 18 and younger!)

a friend taking all my crazy boys to the pool so I could go to the hospital (provision!)

Grandmother’s birthday.  Her precious life, hanging on strong, even after a heart attack.

Grandmother making me laugh, trying to get me to take home the banana she saved from her hospital tray.  (It’s a perfectly good banana!)

AAA (free towing of cars that won’t start)

two cars in the shop this month seeming like not such a big deal after hearing what another dear friend is experiencing (perspective)

Ben getting out seven plates for dinner

hearing encouraging reconciliation stories from a friend

homemade pizza

Settlers of Catan

summer nights

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P. Allen Smith and the Arkansas Soybean Promotion Board treated several Arkansas bloggers to a dreamy day of doing a few of my most favorite things:

walking, eating and storytelling.

I’m still soaking it all in.

I met lots of new friends, tasted new recipes, learned all about soybeans and filled my heart with farm stories.

I have a lot to share about this incredible day, so stay tuned!

Credits:

photos

aerial view of farm: P. Allen Smith website

Jerusalem, P. Allen Smith, me and Jim Carroll: Jerusalem Greer @ Jolly Goode Gal

bathtub: Stephanie McCratic @ Evolved Mommy

sleeping porch: Cara Wilkerson off the Bean2Blog Pinterest Board

Jerusalem and me: @Jerusalem Greer (instagram)

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