Since we have three sons, I am constantly watching the father/son dynamic play out in my home.
It fascinates me and frustrates me all at the same time.
When I read books about fathers, or the absence of fathers, it’s easy to feel like I, the mother, am pretty much chopped liver in the parenting scenario. Like it doesn’t matter what I do, because in the end, all the studies make it out to be about the father. For boys and for girls, the influence of Dad is staggeringly important.
In fact the main thing I can do to epic fail (Cole-ism) is to somehow hinder this relationship. In other words, I need to get out of the way.
More and more, as my boys get older, I am seeing my parenting role as enabling Taido to succeed as a father.
This may sound like patriarchal propaganda to some, but it really is just life as I see it playing out in my house.
With Cole who is thirteen, it is particularly pronounced. The difference in his behavior when Taido is out of town and after he comes home is insane. He is a different child.
Don’t think it doesn’t frustrate me. It TOTALLY does. I want to run this show. Predict the ending. Heck-forget predict, I want to write the ending.
But the harsh truth that my boys are going to pull away from me and identify more with the man in the house is already reality.
While Cole is way ahead of the game on this one, Ben is quickly catching up.
Observe his D Camp name tag.
Proof in black red and white that what he most wants people to know about him is this.
See that guy over there.
I belong to him.
I am Taido’s son.
Here’s what Taido has had to say on this subject lately.